Here are the completed jokes from my last blog. Hope you had fun! 1) A recent survey shows that whiskey drinkers get more cavities than milk drinkers, but they go to the dentist in a better frame of mind.
2) You know you’re wife is being unfaithful when you notice the dog taking your pipe and slippers to a house down the street. 3) I don’t’ trust banks with counting money. If bankers can count, why do they always have eight windows and two tellers? 4) It’s not easy to get parking tickets these days. First you have to find a place to park. 5) He's lazy. He has the seven year itch and he's already nine months behind in his scratching. Many years ago, I discovered something amazing. Not just that in the right light I resemble George Clooney and sometimes Selma Hyek. No, something even more incredible. Thinking up jokes and working with humor improves your thinking.
For many years I worked on various humor projects, but then there was a time when I concentrated on more serious writing. No humor. What I noticed was that I didn't think as well. The humor writing seemed to improve the quickness of my thoughts. As well, solutions to issues in my life came easier. My guess is that this happens because it's a different part of your brain that you're tapping into. Humor, like mystery writing, is really about solving problems. When you're trying to come up with the finish to a joke, your brain has to coral all the synapses and neurons into working together. (And normally they don't like each other that much.) So today I thought I would give you a quiz that just might help you improve your mind. Below are the straight lines for several jokes. All you have to do is come up with the punch lines. The trick is to write as many ideas as possible and then choose the best one. I will post the answers in the next few days. 1) A recent survey shows that whiskey drinkers get more cavities than milk drinkers, but they______________. 2) You know you’re wife is being unfaithful when you notice______________. 3) I don’t’ trust banks with counting money. If bankers can count,___________. 4) It’s not easy to get parking tickets these days. First you have to_____________. 5) He's lazy. He has the seven year itch and he's already_________________ Have fun every day! Steve In the time of Dickens, writers could take their time telling a story. They could describe things in great detail and then spend many paragraphs letting us get to know their characters.
Today, however, if we want our books to sell in a big way, we don't have that kind of time. We have to catch people's attention right from the start. Today, there are thousands (hundreds of thousands?) novels on the market. Some by professional writers, some by amateurs, some by young children. The competition is fierce. If a reader starts a book and it doesn't immediately hook them, they are going to put it down. There's lots more books where that one came from. So, as novelists today, we have to get our readers intrigued as soon as possible. A key component of intriguing the reader is having a great concept for your book. Something different than we've seen before. Recently, I picked up a new novel by a writer whose first book I had really enjoyed. It had a unique concept and the writing was excellent. I read it very quickly and enjoyed it. The writing in his new book was also excellent. However the concept was nothing special. Even though the book was well done, it didn't keep me reading. The reason was that the concept had not pulled me in. I didn't care. For many years I worked as a magician. A lot of magicians do the same tricks in the same way as everyone else. They probably earn an "okay" living. However, the ones who succeed in the biggest way either are very unique in their magic, or in the way that they perform. Someone who just does "the old rabbit from the hat," is not going to make a splash. However, the magician who does his whole act with lightbulbs is going to do well (aka Mr. Electric.) So my suggestion is to write a terrific book, but also make sure the concept is a unique one. Have fun every day! Steve These days, everyone and his mother are writing books. Some are good, some great, and some are those that I wouldn't send to my enemies (Anyone who writes better than me.)
So why are they bad? I think the problem is that because everyone reads books, they also think they can write them. And maybe they can. However, before they start, they need to study up on the subject. Of course, even experts disagree on what makes a book work. One camp says that structure is the most important part. A second camp believes its dialogue and description. A third camp is at the bar drinking. We won't bother them. They look pretty buzzed out to me. I belong to the first camp--structure. Just so you don’t get the wrong idea, I'm pretty much a pantster. Oh, sometimes, I use outlines for certain things, but at heart I just write. Still, I do believe what carries us along in a book is how it moves. A good structure can make it easy for someone to start your book, and keep reading till the end. I had an experience last week with such a book. I began reading, and I have to admit, up until about page thirty, I was not completely on board. I had thoughts of putting the book down. However, once I was past page thirty, I could literally not stop. I finished it within a few days. I'm sure you've had that experience as well. Was the dialogue and description fantastic in this book? It was definitely good for this genre, but not exceptional. But this author (other then page one to thirty) knew how to make this book fly. So when you're writing your book, know all you can about everything, but especially take note of the structure. Now, I’m off to join that guy in the third camp. Maybe he’ll buy me a drink. Have fun every day! Steve Okay, do you want to know it? The real secret to eliminating procrastination.
I feel I should be meeting you in some dark alley and asking you to give me an envelope full of money first. But we’re friends right? So I’m not going to make you do that. (except for the money part.) First let’s define our terms. Procrastination is really about doing something else when you should be writing. So here's the secret that a lot of other writing gurus would give you. Write. Power through it. It doesn't matter if it's good or bad. Just write. My method is a little different. I agree you should write. But you should write something else. The reason you’re getting bogged down in your current project, whether it be a novel, or a short story is because this particular project is giving you problems. It’s not that you couldn’t write anything. You just can’t write this for the moment. So find some other writing projects that might be more fun to work on. Once you've proven to yourself that you can still write, it will then be easier to finish the previous material. Here’s how it works for me. Suppose I'm working on a novel and things aren't going the way I'd like. Before hitting my head against the wall for the hundredth time (And by the way that cures all manner of headaches,) I would then shift into something else. It might be writing some funny ideas for a greeting card company or outlining another novel or perhaps putting together a treatment for a tv show or…. anything. When I'm finished, I simply go back to the original project. Simple! I would like to call this the "Shrott Writing System," but actually the idea belongs to the great science fiction writer, Isaac Asimov. When asked what he’d do if he ever got a writer’s block, he said-- “I don’t ever get one precisely because I switch from one task to another at will. If I’m tired of one project I just switch to something else which at that moment interests me more. “ He would keep four typewriters in his office. Each one had paper with a writing project he had started. The projects would be in various stages of completion. When he'd get stuck on one, he'd move to another. So don't worry about writer's block anymore. Just worry about getting me my money! Have fun every day! Steve Today, my friend, Dennis Kellman has the floor. Hope you enjoy! Thanks Steve. Okay, in my new book on overcoming writer’s block,(which will be released as soon as I figure out how to fill three hundred pages,) I detail the secret techniques that I have used for well over five minutes. In the meantime, however, here are some tips to get you back on track. The first thing I suggest is that you write what you know. If you don’t know anything, write something else. Begin each day by reading what you wrote yesterday. This is very beneficial, as it will either remind you how talented you are, or that you might be better off as a hat salesman. Affirmations are always useful. Repeat, “I am a great writer,” to yourself over and over again. Try to believe it even though you’ve been rejected three hundred and four times with your hilariously funny piece on warts. Self-esteem is all-important. Think of yourself as a damn good author, even though the extent of your literary output is “get eggs, milk and cheese.” If after several hours of work all you’ve written are two semi-colons and a comma, be proud of your accomplishment. Just don’t spend too much time trying to market it. Do something different. Write the beginning last and the ending first. Just keep in mind that you editor may get irritated when he has to read your work standing on his head. To enhance the functioning of your creative brain, use yoga while you write. Twist your body so that your right side is toward the computer. Then with your left hand reach over and operate the mouse as you cross your legs together. Use your experiences to write a tell-all book about the life of a pretzel. Be open to criticism. If someone informs you that your story put them to sleep, don’t feel bad -- even though it is only nine words long. Sometimes it helps to involve the simplicity of a child’s mind. Find a three year old and tell him your story. If he says you’re work is highly derivative of War and Peace and The Great Gatsby, take away his pampers. Visualize your career. There are three steps to this. 1) See yourself being successful as a writer. 2) Notice where you are now. 3) Weep. If your confidence is shaky, ask someone very dumb to read your work. Just be aware that “liked dem words,” may not be the kind of endorsement you want on the back cover of your novel. It often helps to get up in the morning and write down the first words that come to mind. You never know, “must pea” may be the coffee table book of the decade. Remember writing that you find the most fun will connect with your readers best. Even if it’s about tuna in a can that yearns to be set free. Hope these pearls of wisdom have helped you move your writing forward. If not, remember, they’re always looking for a good hat salesman. In our society, we agree about certain things--food is good, crime is bad, it's hard to watch three hours of children's ballet without taking no-doze.
One thing that we haven't decided on is the difference between hilarious, humorous, funny, laugh riot etc. When I look at ads in the paper for movies, or the writer comments on the back of a book, I often find words like the above. But when I read the book or see the movie, I usually don't find that any of them apply. The book or movie might be fun, but it's definitely not a laugh riot. Yahoo will often tell me about a hilarious cat video that I just have to watch. Now, watching a cat massage another cat or get stuck in a tiny ball is definitely cute, and I might chuckle and find it amusing, but I probably would not find it hilarious. After all, how many times have we not, as a population, gotten stuck in a tiny ball? I don't blame this on anyone. As I mentioned, I think the problem really is that we as a society haven't nailed down what each of these words truly means. So perhaps I should take one giant step forward for all of mankind (can you tell I wanted to be an astronaut?) and give you my definitions in terms of books. So here they are-- Humorous or fun Books These, to me are entertaining, but I probably wouldn’t laugh when I read them. There's nothing wrong with these kinds of books. They're just not going to be hilarious or funny. Funny Books I laugh throughout the book, either because of the characters or the situations. Hilarious Books These are books that are ten times funnier than the funny ones. As you can probably guess, there’s not too many of these around. In my opinion it's a good idea to nail down what type of book you're writing before you start. This way if you don’t come up to that standard, you can call yourself on it. I will often say to myself, "Steve, this isn't hilarious, it's merely amusing." And to that, I usually answer, "Get lost." Have fun every day! Steve In my opinion, one of the keys to successful writing is believability.
This is true of all kinds of writing. If you have a believable character, your reader will follow him or her anywhere. Even into unbelievable situations. Let's look at this in terms of jokes. A joke has two parts--the straight line and the punchline. The punchline is, of course, very important because that's where the 'funny" is. However, the straight line performs an equally important job--getting the listener/reader to the punchline. It does this by saying something that's believable. That we can say to ourselves. "That seems right." For example, the comedian, Henny Youngman had a joke, "Take my wife--please." Forget about the hilarity of this for a moment and look at the straight line. Henny is talking, and then says, "Take my wife." It's something that any of us might say sometime during a conversation. The person that you're saying this to thinks you're trying to give an example, using your wife. If you followed that up with the punchline--"please," the person will be caught totally off guard and laugh. In fiction this works the same way. In the humorous mystery, "Yours, Mine and Ours," by Mary Janice Davidson there's a scene where an FBI agent is confused as to where she is. At first she thinks she standing in snow. Then it turns out that the snow is actually poodle fur. Now, that's an offbeat situation but we laugh because Davidson has made her character seem so real. The same is true in drama. If you look at the show, "Breaking Bad," and think purely about the situations, you'll probably find some of them not so believable. But because the characters seemed so real, we believed it. So believe me, when I say that you should make your characters believable!! Have fun every day, Steve . I know the old saying is write what you know. But a lot of times what you don’t know is much more interesting than what you do know.
If you write mystery, do you really know how a murderer thinks? No, but you write scenes that make it look like you do. The great thing about this is that your scene will be different than anyone else's. That's because you are a different person and would therefore be a different kind of murderer. I’m scared of you already. If you write science fiction, do you really know what aliens look like or what they come here for? (I believe it’s the cheese.) And here again as you invent things for your story, you are inventing material that’s totally different than others who are writing alien stories. In short you’re writing what you don’t know. You’re making it up--which is what writers are supposed to do. I think writing stories involving things you have no knowledge of can be exciting and fun. As well, I think your story will be more creative and interesting for it. Of course, there is a place for research as well. For example, if your story is about a plumber and you start talking about the #4 plunger that he's using, you better be prepared for angry calls from the Plumber's Union at three in the morning saying that you're so wrong and should be using a #5 for the job. However, your actual story about the plumber can all be made up. So, again you are writing about what you don't know. This column made me think about how much I don't know about what I know or if I ever knew what I didn't know. Have fun every day! Steve |
Archives
February 2015
AuthorI'm Steve Shrott, award-winning comedy and mystery writer. (I say that to differentiate myself from any other Steve Shrott's out there, who aren't award winning.) This blog is about anything I chose, as I am the web master! What power!! I will talk some about humor writing, as well as writing mystery, and other genres. Perhaps I'll throw in some pithy comments about life itself. If you have any ideas, feel free to let me know. Categories |